The Fear You Won't Fall
by Let Love In
Summary: Currently, Casey is working as a doctor at Sunlight Ridge Hospital in New York. Everything in her life seems to be going fine, until an unexpected patient shows up and turns her whole life upside down again.
1. How Could You?

The Fear You Won't Fall

**A/N: I'm not exactly sure how this story is going to turn out. Please bare with me, I'm just experimenting. Please review, and tell me what you think. Oh, and the title is a song by Joshua Radin. I don't own LWD or any characters.**

It started off as any other day did. I woke up at 5:30 A.M. and made coffee, while my fiancé slept soundly in our room, with my seven year old child dozing in his own room. Sighing, I looked around my house as the coffee brewed. It was a nice house, and always clean, of course. I may have grown up, but I didn't stop being a neat and tidy person. There was a small living room connecting to the kitchen, and in another room was the bathroom. Upstairs were all the bedrooms and workrooms. I sipped my coffee quickly, and got dressed to go to the hospital. I currently worked at Sunlight Ridge Hospital in the state of New York. I had moved to New York when I was about 18, as soon as I could get out of the house. Of course, I would miss my family, but being a doctor had been my dream for a while, and my dream became reality when I was accepted into medical school. I went to medical school for four years, and was now a resident at Sunlight Ridge. It was a good job, and seeing as how my fiancé was an orthodontist, we were both happy with our financial income. Quietly, I crept upstairs and kissed my fiancé Mark's cheek, my son Joshua's forehead, and was out the door in minutes.

Life working in a hospital always had its surprises. Usually, I would walk into the hospital, greet my coworkers, and go treat my patients. My first patient today was Ms. Wilt, the somewhat crazy Alzheimer's patient who had been at the hospital for almost a month.

"Good morning, Ms. Wilt," I greeted her with a smile. She stared at me coldly.

"What do you want, Gloria?" She asked in an angry tone.

"No, Ms. Wilt, it's Casey. And I'm here to check up on you, and make sure everything's alright." I said, grabbing her chart from the edge of the bed. I read it carefully.

"Nothing wrong there. I'll be back later, Ms. Wilt," I said cheerfully. She grunted as I left, and made my way to my next patient. His name was Brian White, and he was a middle-aged man with narcolepsy.

"'Morning Mr. White, how are you feeling this morning?" I asked. He smiled at me.

"Not bad, Dr. Macdonald," He said. I glanced at his chart, nothing new, and left shortly after. After visiting various patients, I finally was able to take a lunch break. I sat in the cafeteria with a nurse friend of mine, and then went to report to my boss.

"Hello, Dr. Macdonald," The old man said dully. I waved at him.

"I'm going to need you to work a little over-time tonight, a few residents will be out." He stated. Before I had time to reply, he added,

"Oh, you have a new patient. Room 203." He said before walking off down a hallway. Sighing, I walked slowly down to room 203.

"Afternoon," I said to the patient as I looked down. The man on the cot didn't reply. I grabbed the chart off the edge of the bed and glanced at it. The man had had a drug abuse problem. _Great, _I thought in my head.

"How are you feeling, uh," I glanced at his name, "Mr. Venturi?" Wide-eyed, I stared at the chart again. Sure enough, the name _Derek Venturi _was printed neatly in the corner of the paper. I stared at him and realized he didn't know who I was.

"Derek?" I asked. He glanced at me and asked,

"What?" A blank look covered his face. I almost wanted to shake him, and make him remember me. His eyes were dazed and bloodshot as he looked into mine. How couldn't he remember?

"Uh," I glanced at the chart again, and stopped. I opened my mouth and closed it again, not knowing exactly what to say. Again, he glanced up at me with his big brown eyes and I almost felt like running.

"D-do y-you need anything?" I asked shakily. He furrowed his brow as to wonder why I was stuttering so much, but he didn't mention anything about it.

"I'm fine," He said quietly, "But thanks, uh," He glanced at my nametag, "Dr. Macd-" He stopped, and looked at me again. I suddenly felt very nervous, and my face grew bright red.

"I-I've got to go," I said quietly, and turned on my heel to leave.

"Wait." A cold voice from behind me growled. I turned again, now looking into the same brown eyes, but they were much colder. _Oh no, _I thought, _He still hasn't forgiven me. _I timidly walked backwards a few steps, afraid of my own stepbrother. He didn't speak for minutes as I worriedly bit the inside of my lip.

"Casey," He spat. I gulped and forced myself to look at him.

"Y-yes?" I asked. His face was almost like stone, unmoving.

"How could you?" Was all he asked. It had been so long since we had last talked, so I guess that was the appropriate question to ask.

"Uh, well, you see…" I trailed off, not exactly sure what to say next, "I'm sorry?" I said, unsure of what his reaction would be. He didn't speak, he just stared. After a few minutes of silence, I became uncomfortable and left. As soon as I was out of that room, I let go of a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. _Why does Derek have to come back now? Of all times? _

**A/N: Okay, I know you guys are probably a bit confused. Well, don't worry, explaining will be done next chapter. Please review!**


	2. Clay Building Skills

Chapter 2

**A/N: Aww, thanks for the great reviews, guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I don't own LWD or any of the characters. **

His voice rang in my head as I practically ran down the hallway. _"How could you?"_ His voice was so cold that I was surprised that his breath didn't fog. I was sure he would have forgotten by now. It's been 5 years! I was so lost in my thoughts that I couldn't even concentrate on my patients for the day. All I could think of was having to treat Derek again tomorrow. I could be fired for neglecting a patient, and I wasn't about to risk that. So finally, I left the hospital when my shift ended, and drove home.

"Hey Casey, how was work today?" I was greeted by my fiancé as he was examining some paperwork in the kitchen. I immediately felt a spotlight on me, but I tried to make sure that he didn't notice my paranoia.

"Oh, it was fine, like always," I said with a nervous laugh. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a funny look, but shrugged it off.

"Is Joshua in bed?" I asked. He nodded while sipping a glass of water and concentrating on his papers. I sat down next to him and lied my head down on the table.

"You alright?" He asked. I sighed and looked up at him.

"Just stressed, that's all," I lied. He gave me a sympathetic smile.

"It's just that time of year. Everything gets really stressful. Don't worry, Casey, it won't last for long." He said, placing a hand over mine. I forced a smile. _Sure it "won't last for long" _I thought.

"Thanks Mark," I said, placing a kiss on his lips, and retreating to our room. I grabbed a novel off my nightstand and plopped on my bed. I read for an hour before nodding off.

At around 2 A.M., I awoke in a cold sweat. I stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the faucet, splashing cool water on my face. I sighed and sat on the cold tile. Why couldn't I stop thinking about Derek? His cold eyes, his cruel voice; they were haunting me. I rubbed my temples as a headache swept over me. All I could do was think of when this all started.

It was the beginning of our senior year. One Saturday morning, Derek came into my room to ask for help. Well, not really ask, but demand.

"Hey, Klutzilla!" He shouted from the hallway. I was at my desk, reading, as usual. I sighed and closed my book, wondering why that nickname hadn't worn off by now.

"What do you want, Derek?" I asked as he entered my room. He had his infamous smirk plastered on his face as he leaned against my doorframe.

"I need some… uh, "help" on a project," He asked. Raising an eyebrow at me, he awaited my response. I rolled my eyes.

"No," I said sternly. His smirk dropped and he glared at me.

"Why? Come on, it's not like you don't study 24/7. What's an extra project going to do?" He asked. I sighed and shot him a cold stare.

"I said no," I repeated. At first, he looked angry, but then his big brown eyes softened and he looked like he really did need help.

"Look, Casey, I'm going to fail the class if I don't do good on this. Please help me?" He pleaded. I suddenly felt sympathetic towards him.

"Well, alright, but I'm not doing the whole thing for you. You've got to do some work, too," I said. He nodded and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks, Case," He said, and went back to his room. I sighed and opened my book again.

Derek didn't pay me a visit until three days later, at around 7 P.M. He burst into my room with a large box of supplies in his arms. He set the box down on my bed, and came over to my desk.

"Can we get started on that project?" He asked.

"Alright, when's it due?" I asked. He nervously looked away and muttered,

"Tomorrow,"

"What? Derek, you have to tell me these things! Ugh, now we have a lot of work to do." I sighed. He walked back over to the box and began taking things out of it and placing them on my bed.

"Well, let's start then," He said. I stood up and walked over to him, reading his instructions. The project was for science, and he had to construct 3D models of a Helium atom, an Oxygen atom, and a Nitrogen atom, and type up two pages with facts for each, cited and everything. _Great, _I thought,_ this is going to take a long time._

"Okay, here's what we'll do," I said, "I'll start constructing the models. You begin researching. Hopefully we can get this done by tonight." I said. He nodded and walked over to my computer and started researching. I rummaged in the large box of supplies and found some colored clay to create the models. The models were extremely difficult to construct, seeing as the clay wouldn't stay in place most of the time. Derek was done with all of the fact pages by around 10 P.M, and I was only on the second model. Derek came over to help me with the models eventually. We laughed as the clay fell apart in our hands as we tried to construct an atom.

"I must say, Casey, your clay-building skills are about as good as George's cooking skills," He said, laughing. I laughed too, taking a small piece of clay and sticking it to his nose.

"Hey!" He whispered, desperate not to wake up the rest of our family. We giggled more as we continued to build the models. We finally finished at around 12 A.M.

"Casey, I really appreciate the help," He said, looking down at the floor as we stood in my doorway. I smiled.

"It was no problem," I said. He looked at my shyly and gave me a sort-of hug. I smiled to myself as he walked back to his room and closed the door.

**A/N: Alright, here's just the beginning of Casey's flashback, so don't think that this is all of what happened. I hope you guys liked this one. Please review!**


	3. Like Nora and Dad!

My head pounded as I struggled to remember more. As much as it hurt me to be reminded of Derek, the one person who understood me more than anyone, even Mark, part of me wanted to remember. Our times together weren't all that bad. It was just the way that they ended…

It was the next day, the afternoon to be precise, and Derek was in disbelief.

"An A. Me. I got an A." His eyes were wide, his mouth in a small smirk, but not the familiar Derek smirk, inflated with arrogance and pride. No, this smirk was more like a little grin, it was barely there but it made my heart swell. All I could do was smile; I had finally helped him accomplish something. After the two years we had known each other, I benefited him in some way for the first time. He turned to me and stepped forward, leaving the paper on the table.

"Thank you, Casey." It was a simple representation of gratitude, but I appreciated it greatly. I nodded and smiled even wider than before, if possible.

"My pleasure, Derek."

It was the beginning of an era.

Times got better after this. Now, I'm not saying that we were "buddy-buddy" all the time, but we definitely fought less than before. Even our family members were beginning to notice our sudden change in heart, and they were all very pleased. This newfound friendship began Derek and I studying together once in a while, helping each other with our work, etcetera. And when I say helping each other, I mean me helping him. But it was all right; I had actually grown quite fond of it.

It wasn't until the middle of our senior year that I found myself staring at him often. I wasn't completely sure what was coming over me, but every time he walked into a room I couldn't help but gaze at him as he passed by. I just figured my friendly feelings towards him were becoming a bit too overpowering. So all I had to do was distance myself from him just a little bit. It was no big deal, right?

Wrong. The urge to be near him, to feel his warmth close to my body, the yearning for his breathtaking smell became all too intense. Part of me wished that he wasn't so damn good-looking, and the other part of me loved every lust-filled second. However, there was no point in denying that I was utterly lost.

It wasn't until one cold, quiet day in January that he approached me to ask for more help. This time, it was an English project. Of course, me being unable to control my feelings, jumped at the opportunity. We scheduled to work after dinner that night, because the project was due the next day. Typical Derek. Except this time, we came prepared with a plate of milk and cookies in case we got hungry.

"Okay, so here's what we have to do," Derek burst into my room with the tray of foods as he began to explain to me the project. We were required to make a diorama of the war going on in the novel A Tale of Two Cities. We got cracking right away, with me setting up the general background of the diorama, and Derek looking the book up on the computer. Surprise, he didn't read the book. The normal Casey would have blown up and stormed out the door, but he looked so cute when he was apologetic.

And so the rest of the night was spent gluing small Lego people into a box, attempting to understand A Tale of Two Cities, and trying to suppress our laughter when the whole thing fell apart.

By the end of the night, the tray of food was bare, the diorama was poorly finished, and we were passed cold on the floor, our hands just barely touching.

The next morning, when the clock radio went off to the tune of a catchy pop song, we were both still fast asleep. At least twenty minutes past when Marti opened the door.

"Casey? Smerek?" She asked curiously, stepping forward with caution. Sometime during the night, Derek had shifted a few inches my way and we were now in a very compromising position. The inquisitive little girl came just a bit closer to see my hand cradled in his. With all of her might, she screamed our names at the top of her lungs.

"What? What's happening?" Derek asked sleepily with both eyes closed. Trying to sit up, he mumbled something barely audible. All the while, I had already sprung off the floor and was beginning to rummage through my clothes drawers. Marti looked puzzled, but shrugged it off and left the room, leaving us alone once again. There was an awkward silence as Derek watched me run around my room trying to get organized.

"I can't believe we slept in! I'm going to be so late!" I yelled, before grabbing a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt and rushing to the bathroom. While trying to untangle the gigantic knot that was in my hair, I recollected what had happened last night. The butterflies in my stomach were having a hay-day and all I could think about was the feel of Derek's hand holding mine.

About fifteen minutes later, I finally emerged looking somewhat presentable, and charged downstairs to have a quick breakfast of toast and jelly. Derek sat at the kitchen table, still half-asleep and with terrible bed head. I just merely laughed at his appearance and asked him if he wanted some toast.

"Mnnffffmm." Was the only response I received. Taking that as a yes, I popped two pieces of bread in the toaster and set the jam on the table.

We didn't speak as we ate, but he was staring at me peculiarly, and I figured he was probably remembering what had happened last night as well. The ice was overwhelming, though, so I had to break it.

"Do you want a ride to school?" I asked as I rinsed my plate off of crumbs.

"Mhmm." He stared at me under half-lidded eyes.

"Okay, well hurry up and go grab your project. And maybe comb your hair, too." I ordered while grabbing my keys off the hook. He stumbled upstairs and in a matter of minutes he came back down with the inadequately completed project.

"I guess it didn't turn out like we thought it would, huh?" I asked, a little embarrassed. He nodded and we headed for the door.

As soon as we got into school, the silent treatment was put into effect. The one thing I hated about our newfound relationship was that he refused to address me nicely during school hours. It was almost like a slap in the face, actually, because no matter how close we were getting, Derek was still an arrogant jerk around his friends. It perturbed me greatly.

School seemed to be getting longer for me, because all I wanted was to go home and be able to talk to Derek again. But at the same time, it made me feel pathetic. I don't need a boy to make me happy, right? I was independent. I was strong.

When the final bell rang, I tried my best to be late to the car so I didn't seem eager to see Derek again. Emily and I chatted for quite a while about the substitute in French class and how cute he was. Of course, it was all mindless babble; all I could really think about was taking my time. Finally when Emily decided to leave, I gathered a few books from my locker and headed for the car.

"Took you long enough," Derek said with a playful smirk on his face as I came into sight. He was leaning against the passenger door with his arms crossed.

"I had some… business I had to take care of," I lied, slipping into my seat and turning on the car.

"Sure," Derek said incredulously while fiddling with the radio dial. He finally settled on an old rock and roll song from the 70s. The car ride home was silent, except for the everlasting guitar solo that blasted through the speakers.

"So what did your teacher think of the diorama?" I asked while walking through the front door. He snickered.

"She actually commented that it's better than my usual work,"

"Well, what exactly is your 'usual work'?"

"I typically don't turn in anything." He laughed some more while he took a swig of milk straight from the carton.

"That's disgusting." I commented with a sickened face. He simply chuckled again before running upstairs to change for hockey practice.

While he was gone, I sat around idly watching TV after my homework was complete. I had to admit, I was pretty bored without Derek around to keep me on my toes. I flipped through the channels without much interest. I passed by a baseball game, a Spanish soap opera, and cartoons before surrendering the remote to Marti.

I finally decided on a nap to wait out the hours before Derek would return. I dozed for about two hours before I heard the front door open. My eyes shot open and I quickly sat up and went downstairs. Dinner was almost ready, so my excuse for running to the kitchen was to set the table. As I placed forks and knives on the napkins, George slapped down a helping of mac and cheese on the plates. As soon as we were all settled, we all dug in to our meals. All of us, except Marti.

"Smerek?"

"Yes?" Derek replied with a mouthful of food.

"Why were you and Casey sleeping in the same room?" She asked inquiringly. I choked on a noodle and stared at her with intense eyes. Nora and George stopped in mid-bite to stare at Derek and I.

"Um, huh?" Derek tried to play dumb, but I knew that would get us nowhere.

"Don't worry, Marti, I was just helping Derek with an English project, and I guess we just fell asleep." I tried to play it off cool, but I was so nervous I was perspiring.

"But you two were holding hands! Like Nora and dad!"

"No we weren't, Marti." Derek tried to protest.

"But I saw! I saw it!"

Nora and George were wide-eyed.

"Marti, you were just seeing things. Calm down, alright?" I tried reassuring her. She pouted, but didn't say another word. Nora and George didn't even comment, and the rest of the dinner was eaten in silence.

All of the sudden, my thoughts were interrupted. I could hear a distant crying sound coming from my son's room. I sprang up from the bathroom floor and rushed to his room. The little figure was tossing and turning in his racecar bed.

"Shh, calm down Joshua," I lifted the 7-year-old out of his bed with all of my strength and held him close. I looked down onto his angelic face, just like his father's, with chocolate brown hair that stuck out in every which way. He opened his soft eyes and looked up at me.

"Mom?" He asked.

"Did you have another dream?" I sounded concerned.

"Yeah." He whispered quietly. I ran my hand through his hair and sighed.

"If you're going to keep having these dreams, I might just have to kick all those boogie men out of here myself!" I joked, trying to get him in a better mood. He smirked, another action that reminded me of his father, and he soon fell asleep in my arms once again. I was glad, though, because then he couldn't see the tear that fell down my cheek.

I set him in his bed and tucked him back in, before retreating back to the bathroom so I could wipe off the multiple tears that formed and fell.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, I know it has been so long since I last updated, and I'm sure a lot of you readers gave up on this one! But I finally figured it was about time that I update this one. I hope I'm not too rusty, please review and tell me your opinions!**


	4. Fly on a Spider's Web

After the exceedingly awkward dinner conversation, both Derek and I shoved the macaroni into our mouths before bolting upstairs, separately of course. Nora and George didn't bother asking questions, in fact, they both seemed pretty stunned. I was afraid of that.

As soon as I was in the confines of my room, I turned on my stereo, low volume, and decided to take out a book and read. I had to get my mind off of the dinner conversation, and, most of all, Derek and I holding hands. The image was set in stone in my mind. It hurt to think of it, but I couldn't stop. I tried to focus on the words in my book, but the black ink letters seemed to be jumping off the pages. I couldn't follow it at all. Restlessly, I placed the book on my nightstand and stood, unable to keep away from Derek for so long. Just as I was about to open my bedroom door, a knock came upon it. I was startled.

"Uh, who is it?" I asked anxiously.

"Derek." Right on cue. "Can I come in?" He asked. Gulping, I yanked at the knob and let him inside. He looked a bit disheveled, with his chocolate hair ruffled and deep eyes concentrated on thoughts that were unknown to me.

"Yes?" I whispered quietly, not sure if we should let Nora and George know that we were conversing. He turned to me, looking a little peculiar, and took a few steps toward me. He grabbed my shoulders uneasily and looked me in the eye.

"That… that meant nothing, right?" He asked, stumbling on his words a little.

"What?"

"Last night. It meant nothing, yes?" He asked once again, a little clearer this time. He seemed hopeful, and I was crushed.

"Right…" I tried to sound convincing but that wasn't really the case. What was I supposed to say to that? He gave me a somewhat incredulous look before leaving without a word.

As soon as his hands left my shoulders, I felt empty.

"You're pathetic, Casey," I told myself in a quiet tone, so he wouldn't hear. A tear popped out of my eye and rolled down my cheek hurriedly. I wiped it with a sigh and decided a much needed shower was next on my agenda. I gathered my towel and robe and dashed to the bathroom, making sure not to make a noise.

The hot water was soothing in a way, but not completely. My mind was still reeling with thoughts.

"Of course he doesn't feel the same way," I whispered to myself. I felt so stupid for feeling the way that I did. How could my own stepbrother have feelings for me? I must be some kind of pitiful freak, or something. So from then on, I would try my hardest to stay away from him. I knew that would be hard, but I was dreaming an impossible dream. Step siblings or not, we were still related, and I had to accept it. Somehow.

As soon as I was done with my steaming shower, I wrapped myself in my robe and decided I would jumpstart on my Monday homework. Hoping it would get everything off of my mind, I took out a newly sharpened pencil and my French workbook.

The next few days were hard to live through, but I survived. Barely. I was just happy that Derek seemed to be doing the same thing. We were hardly in the same room together, unless we were with other family members. All the while, though, he seemed to stare at me a lot. I tried not to notice, but it was almost impossible. His eyes pierced like daggers. The thing that bothered me the most, though, was the fact that I couldn't read his expression. It looked a little confused, mixed with anger and despair. I couldn't stare for too long, it frightened me.

Finally, on one rainy Saturday night, he approached me. Everyone was seemingly asleep, but I couldn't seem to keep my eyes shut. I wandered downstairs for a glass of water when I realized that it was raining. I sat by a window, sipping my water, and looking at the rain. It always calmed me. I hoped that soon I would be tired enough to fall asleep. And that's when I heard footsteps behind me.

"Case?" I perceived Derek's voice behind me, and his hand on my shoulder. I shivered. He came and stood next to me, watching the raindrops patter on the windowpane. His hand dropped from my shoulder. I sipped my water quietly.

"Why are you up?" He asked, facing towards me slightly.

"I could ask you the same thing." I replied, sounding somewhat bitter. I took another gulp of water, trying to replenish my dry throat.

"Never mind that." He sighed, and continued, "It looks nice outside." I nodded, my eyes fixed on the droplets.

"Listen," Now he was faced towards me completely, "What has been up with you lately?" I was a little surprised at his upright honesty, but I didn't let that show for a second.

"What do you mean?" I tried to play stupid, but it didn't really work for me.

"I mean, we haven't talked in basically a week," He looked like he was going to say more, but he didn't. His tone of voice was very off, it worried me a little, because I had never seen him so vulnerable. The butterflies in my stomach were bouncing off the walls, literally, and there was a large lump in my throat I couldn't swallow.

"And?" I choked out, wishing he would specify.

"I don't know; it just worries me, that's all. I was actually beginning to think that we were…" He took a pause, "Friends." I was taken aback. I tried to jumble some words up in my head but I couldn't. Instead, I took another mouthful of water.

"If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. I just wanted to know why," He sighed, and turned to leave.

"Wait," I croaked, turning to face him for the first time that night. He stopped in mid-step, and rotated in my direction.

"Yes?"

Was I about to say it?

"You hurt me, in a way. Or maybe, I hurt myself. I don't know, I just know that I had to try to ignore you." I spat my words out fast. He looked at me, clearly perplexed, and tried to make sense of what I was saying.

"Wait, what do you mean? How did I hurt you?"

I sighed, and turned away from him once more to sip my water and peered out the window again. I couldn't look him in the eye when I said this.

"The conversation we had. In my room." I sighed and watched a droplet on the window glass zig zag its way to the pane. My hot breath against the cool surface created a fog spot, but it quickly dissolved.

"How did I hurt you?" He asked. I looked up at him expectantly because I could tell he already knew the answer to that question. I didn't want him to bring me to say it, though. I felt disgraceful enough; I didn't want to humiliate myself even more.

"You mean…" The truth dawned on him. I could feel a blush creep onto my cheeks; thank God it was dark. Without warning, he stepped towards me and cupped my cheek in his hand lovingly. His hands were cold against my heated cheek, but soft all the same. He placed a kiss on my lips, short, but passionate. My breath caught in my throat like a fly on a spider's web, and my eyes were wide as saucers when he pulled away.

"I…" He looked stunned at his own actions, as if someone has just taken over his body. Not daring to look me straight in the eye, he backed away slowly. I wished he hadn't.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." With that, he turned towards the steps and dashed up them in seconds, leaving me bewildered and lonely once again. For a minute or so, I couldn't move at all. And then, I burst into tears.

The next morning, I awoke on the couch, hugging a pillow, with mascara running down my face.

"Casey, honey?" My mom was shaking me awake with her gentle hand. My eyes fluttered open unwillingly, and I was looking straight into my mother's worried face.

"You look awful, dear. Are you all right?" She asked, putting a hand to my forehead. I frowned a little, brushing her off lightly.

"I'm fine, thank you." I assured her. Almost suddenly, the smell of fresh pancakes and sausage filled my nostrils.

"Mmm, are you cooking breakfast?" I asked, my eyes still closed in delight.

"Yes, it's just about ready." She bustled to the kitchen, pouring orange juice for the family and setting plates. I sat up, yawning quietly, and decided I should wipe the horrid makeup off of my face.

Minutes later, the rest of the clan came stumbling down the stairs, still half-asleep with their pajamas on. The last one to arrive was Derek, but he didn't follow the trend of our younger family members. He seemed wide-awake, small circles forming under those gorgeous eyes, and a solemn look on his face. I gulped. When we were all settled in our chairs, we dug in as soon as the food was set on the table. I barely bothered to look up, because I already knew Derek was staring at me.

"May I be excused?" I asked nervously after all of my food was gone. But I didn't even wait for my mother's answer; I was already up the stairs bursting into my room. If I ever saw Derek again, I swear it would be the death of me. Just as I thought this, a knock on the door came.

"Casey?"

Speak of the devil.

At first I didn't respond, but then the thick silence was extremely uncomfortable.

"Come in." My voice was flat and dull, but he didn't even seem to notice. He entered the room, but tried to keep as much distance as possible.

"We need to talk. About last night." I was very surprised at his confidence to outright talk about the situation. The normal Derek would run away from his problems until there was nowhere to run.

"Okay. What about it?" I asked. The nerves in my system caused my voice to sound an octave higher. Talk about embarrassing.

"I just… I didn't mean to do that. It was a stupid move, I'm sorry." He sounded very jittery, and his words could barely even form themselves.

"If you didn't mean to do that, then why did you?"

He scratched the back of his head thoughtfully, trying to think of an answer.

"I don't know, I guess I kind of wanted to. But it's wrong; we shouldn't do this at all. I don't know what came over me." He ran his hand through his hair multiple times, and then began to crack his knuckles to keep his hands busy. He was obviously tense.

"You're right, it is wrong. I guess we should… try to ignore the feeling? It might be the only answer." I spoke regretfully. I wanted nothing more than to just fall into his arms and stay there. But it was immoral! Our parents would hate us, our siblings too. He nodded gravely, agreeing with my statement. And with that, he was out the door before I could blink.

I shook my head, trying to free myself of this awful flashback. I was still on the bathroom floor, tracing the paisley tile pattern with my finger unknowingly, wishing I could just shut my eyes and sleep without seeing Derek's face. Restlessly, I stood and went to the kitchen to make myself some hot cocoa. As I stirred the chocolaty beverage around and around, I remembered the picture I kept in the cleaning cupboard.

I stood from the table and crouched under the sink, and then opened the cupboard door carefully so it wouldn't creak. Inside were dozens of Windex bottles and Pledge cans, but behind all of that on the dusty floor of the cupboard was a picture. I placed it in here because I knew Mark would never think to clean, and even if he did, it was far enough back that he would never know. I pulled it out and glanced at it wistfully, and then closed the cupboard and set the picture on the kitchen table.

Resting my head on my hands, I observed the picture. It was the whole family, during the summer of our senior year. Lizzie and Edwin were in the front, Nora and George stood to the side behind the two teens, and Derek and I stood in the middle. Marti was gleefully sitting on Derek's rugged shoulders. We all looked so happy and carefree, with bright smiles on our faces.

I remember the day we took that picture, too. Nora had insisted we get Emily to come take the photo, "our last documented memory together," as she put it. She had figured that since Derek and I were going off to college, she better capture the moment now before sending us off. The picture was quite difficult to take. We were all standing in the living room, trying to find spots to stand so we weren't blocking anyone. That was the trouble with a big family. As soon as we got in our places, we had to take at least 10 pictures before we got it perfect. In one shot, Marti was pulling Derek's hair, causing a look of pain on his face. In another, Edwin had slightly pushed Lizzie, causing her to fall over. It was a grueling process, but the final product was good.

The thing I loved the most about this picture, though, was that Derek's eyes weren't on the camera. They were on me.

**A/N: Happy for the quick update, huh? Thank you guys SO MUCH for the reviews! I'm glad you guys want to know what happens. Well, I've got some surprises in store for you so keep reading!**


	5. Trying, but Still Ashamed

The next few days were hell.

I couldn't stand to even be in the same house as Derek. To smell his mouthwatering cologne in the bathroom, to have to act normal during meals, etcetera. The one place I felt okay was school, because we didn't have any classes together and we rarely passed each other in the hallway. But the times when we did happen to steal a glance, my breath caught in my throat just like it had that one night, and I had to force myself to turn away. It was killer. Even Emily began to see a change in me. He was messing with my mind so bad that I wasn't sure if I would be able to get it back or not.

And then the worst thing possible happened. It was late afternoon; I was sitting in the living room, watching one of my favorite soaps, when I heard Derek trample down the stairs while slinging a coat carelessly over his shoulder. He tried desperately to get away from Nora's amazing sense of sound, but to no avail.

"Derek, where do you think you're going?" She asked, coming upstairs from her and George's bedroom. Derek nervously looked back at me, as if he didn't want me to hear what he was about to say. I wasn't completely sure I wanted to hear, either.

"Movies, with Kendra." He stated all too quickly. I could feel the color in my face starting to drain and drip a beige mess onto the carpet. I couldn't believe it.

"I thought you two broke up last year?" Nora asked the question that bore itself into my mind.

"We did, she wanted to give it another try, and I had no plans…" He trailed off, seemingly lost in his thoughts, before waving goodbye to Nora and disappearing out the door. Seconds later, I was in my room fighting back tears. I knew I had told him that we should just ignore our feelings, but I didn't see this coming at all.

The whole night I sat on my bed, watching the little red numbers on my clock flicker and wishing that Derek would come home early, realizing what a mistake we were both making and kiss me like he did that night. But he didn't. I tried to busy myself with studies like I had last time I was in a predicament, but I just couldn't concentrate. For all I knew, Derek was out having a great time with Kendra, not even worrying a tiny bit about me. Little, old, pathetic me sitting in her room counting the minutes until he came back.

He came in at around eleven at night, stomped up to his room and shut the door. It wasn't exactly the homecoming I had expected, but at least he was home. Satisfied, I dressed into a baggy tee shirt and shorts before slipping under the covers. Just as soon as my head hit the pillow, the door burst open. My eyes popped and I sat straight up in my bed and gazed at his tousled hair and messy appearance. Admittedly, even if I was a clean, organized person, a little tangled hair and untidy look was pretty cute. At least, on Derek it was.

"Uh, hi?" I was thoroughly confused on his visit, but pleased nonetheless. His eyebrows pulled together, he seemed to be deep in thought, and the look was new to me. I could see him chewing the inside of his cheeks; he always did that when he was panicky.

"Listen, I don't know how to say this…" He stumbled over his words like a child taking his first steps. More cheek biting, along with knuckle cracking as well.

"Yes?"

"I couldn't concentrate on Kendra tonight." He stated.

"Huh?" Now I was 100 confused. What was he trying to say?

"What I mean is…" He paused, trying to think up a good combination of words, "I couldn't concentrate on Kendra because I was thinking of you."

My heart swelled to bursting, I couldn't believe my own faulty ears. Did he just say he was thinking of me?

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to make me say it again?" He asked while wincing. I shook my head slowly, still comprehending what he had just said. I knew it was too good to be true, but a smile stretched across my face anyway.

"I'm sorry for bothering you, I should probably leave," Derek choked before taking a step towards the door.

"No, wait," I pleaded, before realizing how desperate I sounded. "I mean, you weren't bothering me. It's all right." I tightly crossed my arms almost as if I was afraid to let my emotions burst out of my chest. He stared at me for a few seconds, trying to read my expression. And then, he did something bold. He took a step towards me and placed his hand on the small of my back, pulling me into his hard chest. I shivered when I felt his warm skin on my clammy hands.

"Let's do it right this time," He whispered, right before seizing my lips in his with a force. I could have melted right there in his arms if it was possible, but instead I just held on to him with all of my life. My legs weakened and the hairs on the back of my neck sprang up. For a second, he pulled away from me and I almost sighed. Seeing my obvious displeasure, he kissed me again. Soft and sweet. I would have never expected that from him.

We heard shuffling from outside the room and jumped apart almost in an instant. We awkwardly stared at each other for a split second before Derek pointed his thumb toward the door.

"I better leave." He flashed me a bright, toothy smile. It was a nervous one. Another first that I would have never expected from him.

"I… well, alright. Good night." I blushed furiously, and thanked God it was dark in my room. Without another glance, he swiftly made his way out of my room and into his in a matter of seconds. I let go of a long awaited breath that I hadn't realized I was holding, and then flopped myself onto my bed. The smell of his cologne lingered in the air for a slight second before the air from my open window came in and swept it away. I sighed in discontent before closing my eyes and playing the memory from just moments ago over and over in my head.

It was a weird habit. Every time something phenomenal like this happens, I always love to replay the memory in my head. The good feeling I felt at the time always comes rushing back to me. The best part about this one is that the butterflies I had felt fluttered right back every time.

Before I knew it, the morning sun was seeping through my blinds and onto my face. I groaned and rolled over, trying to shield my face from the sun but it was no use. I was already awake, and there was no chance that I would fall back asleep. Groggily I stood up and rubbed my eyes before slicking my messy hair back into a tight ponytail and exiting my room. It was only seven in the morning or around there, so I didn't have to worry about being presentable for Derek. His name brought my heart to a tremble when I remembered the night before. It was a good feeling.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I gasped aloud. There he was, messy and untamed just like last night, staring intently at his glass of milk. The rising sun outside left a gold shadow on his hair, making it look almost godly. More heart trembles. My body probably thought there was some sort of earthquake inside of there.

"Good morning," I spoke quietly, careful not to wake the others. Although, my statement was more of a question. Derek usually never woke up before noon.

"Hey," His smiled was withered, but still perfect. He looked so awfully tired that I couldn't help but swoon, and that same nervous facial expression was widened across his face.

"Why are you up so early?" I inquired, taking a few steps closer so I could grab a cup of orange juice and an apple.

"I just couldn't sleep, I guess. Too much on my mind…" More cheek biting followed this statement, and a gulp of milk as well. Remnants of the liquid rested on top of his upper lip and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I sat myself across from him, but didn't dare to look him in the eye. Instead, I picked a miniscule freckle on his forehead and concentrated on it.

"Really?" I asked, "What was on your mind?"

My eyes widened at my own question. Did I really just ask that?

"Well, you know…"

The satisfaction I got from seeing him nervous and panicky was enough to last a lifetime. It reminded me of a little boy speaking to his first crush.

"Last night, well, it was interesting," He continued when I didn't respond, looking down at his hands. Our feet bumped under the table and my blush grew a whole different shade of red.

"Sorry about that," He stammered, licking his lips tentatively. The kitchen grew silent, and the only thing I could hear was my heart pumping at an unusual rate. I tried my hardest to look casual but I was so unbelievably tense that he probably thought a block of wood was strapped to my back.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asked me, inching his hand closer to mine on the table. I stalled, trying to think of a coherent thought to spit out. Instead, I just nodded.

"You look pale." A few more inches, and his fingertips were on mine. I felt awkward, my hands were so cold and clammy compared to his warm ones. I could feel my insides tingling, and I wondered if I actually was alright. Almost as if on cue, Nora and George sleepily stumbled up the steps from their basement bedroom, easing my insides a little bit. Derek removed his hands from the table and looked at me, clearly exasperated. How many times were we going to get caught like this?

"Wow, Derek, you're up early!" George said cheerfully, reaching for some milk from the fridge.

"I guess I just couldn't sleep,"

"You do look a little worn, now that you mention it. Maybe you should take a nap? I could brew you some tea if you like," Nora added, clearly concerned.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He protested, taking another gulp of milk.

"Well, that's great! George and I were thinking of going to see a movie, the whole family together. That new romance about the peasant girl and the prince," From behind Nora, I saw George wince, "What do you think?" Nora asked with a huge grin on her face.

"Oh, ow, my head! It hurts so bad! I think I'm going to take some medicine. You guys go ahead, have fun," Derek cajoled, giving his world famous smirk. It was no longer a nervous one. Nora sighed and then turned to me, awaiting my answer as well. I smiled up at her, excited because I had really wanted to see _Forbidden Love_ for the longest time.

"That sounds great!" I exclaimed. Suddenly, I felt a kick to my shin under the table. Frowning a little, I looked up to read Derek's expression. His arms were crossed and he gave me a what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing look.

"I mean, I really have to get started on homework this week. We have two projects due on Monday!" I quickly recovered. Nora looked at me, then Derek, but merely shrugged.

"Alright, I guess. Well, we're probably going to go at around noon or so." Nora said, before kissing George on the cheek and heading back downstairs.

"Man, I wish I had some excuse to get out of this like you guys…" George mumbled while heading downstairs as well, glass of milk in hand.

"You owe me." I growled, shooting a look at Derek.

"What? You wanted to go?" He was incredulous.

"Yes! I've been wanting to see that movie for ages!" I pouted, crossing my arms. Sighing, he boldly pulled one of my crossed arms away from my body and across the table. Smoothly, he kissed my hand and looked back up at me in time to flash me a bright beam. I couldn't stay mad at that face.

"Fine. You're forgiven. You still have to make it up to me, though." I teased, taking my hand back.

"I can do that," His grin turned into a smirk and he winked at me before standing up and stretching. I followed his action and when I saw he was heading towards the living room, I decided to head upstairs. When I got to my room, I shuffled through a bunch of my drawers to decide what to wear for the day. That's when I realized the bright sun that had woken me up this morning was hiding behind a sheet of dark gray clouds. Small rain droplets were dripping from the sky. It was very calming on a day like this.

The rest of the morning passed by extremely slow. Every few minutes I would glance at my alarm clock, only to see that barely any time had passed by. I stayed holed up in my room for the majority of the morning, only stepping out a few times to get a drink of water or use the restroom. Finally, when 12 o'clock rolled around, I was downstairs in a second to see my family out the door. There was not one moment that Derek and I could be alone in this house, and now was our chance.

"Bye mom, tell me how it is!" I said cheerfully, kissing her on the cheek. When I said goodbye to everyone else, I shut the door and locked it. Finally, we were alone.

If only Derek was as excited as I was.

I stepped up the stairs and knocked on Derek's bedroom door hastily. There was no response. Again, I knocked, harder this time. Restless, I opened the door to see him on his bed, sound asleep, mumbling something incoherent. Laughing silently to myself, I positioned my face right next to his ear. I was so close I could hear him grinding his teeth.

"Derek," I whispered. Nothing.

"Derek." This time, my voice was stern and loud. He jumped a little and turned in my direction, his face colliding with mine. I pulled away quickly, embarrassed that I put my face so close to his. His eyes opened slowly, but then shot open when he saw me staring back at him.

"Shit, Casey, what happened?" He asked me. I looked at him quizzically. What was he talking about? He pointed towards my face, particularly right below my nose. I raised a finger, and sure enough, my nose was bleeding. Even more embarrassed than before, I rushed to the bathroom, hand covering my bloody face. He laughed, following me there.

"That's the last time I'm letting you wake me up!" He joked with me. I glared at him, and continued to attempt to clot my nosebleed.

"You're doing it all wrong, here, let me help," He took the tissue from my hand.

"Hockey does more than give me this beautiful body. Nosebleeds happen every day," He said smugly.

"There. Done." He stepped away from me and gave me full view of the mirror.

"What did you do to my nose?" I exclaimed, seeing the two tissue wads hanging out of my nostrils. He snickered at me.

"You have to keep those in until it stops bleeding. I'm surprised you aren't weak from blood loss, your nostrils were gushing like Niagra Falls," He laughed again. I turned pink and looked away.

"Oh, come on. It's not that embarrassing. See? I'll do it too." He took two large wads of tissue and stuck them up his nostrils.

"Happy?" He asked, his voice sounding more nasally than usual. Now it was my turn to laugh at him. After our fits of giggles, it grew quiet for a few moments. Awkwardly, I pushed the hair out of my face and gestured towards the door.

"It's a little cramped in here. We should go downstairs or something." I suggested.

"After you, ma'am," He said politely, holding the bathroom door open for me.

"Wow, you really are going to pay me back for that movie thing, huh?" I asked, before trotting down the stairs with Derek on my trail.

Sighing, I put the photo of our family back into the cleaning supply cupboard and reached around for something else. Something I hadn't taken out in years. I had almost forgotten about it until tonight, of course. Finally, I felt the light fabric in my fingers, and I pulled back. There it was, dusty and worn, but I remember the significance like it was given to me yesterday. It was a scarf. One that Derek gave to me on my birthday that year. He had told me, that whatever happened to us and our family, I should always remember him by this. Of course, I left it at the house the day I left. I didn't want to be reminded of it.

Almost a year later, on my birthday, I got a package from Derek Venturi himself. It was small, but I had awaited some kind of sign from him for so long. Ripping it open, I felt tears stream down my face as I held the weak fabric in my hands. There was a note with it. I was hoping for a long one, yet I knew I didn't deserve even the scarf. Unfortunately, it was short.

"_Casey,_

_I knew you left the scarf on purpose. I had always hoped that some day you would have retrieved it, but my hope was lost when I realized you were never coming back. I wore it around my leg for the whole year, it reminded me to remember you. It wasn't worn lightly, but in remembrance of how we were trying, but still ashamed. I wish it would never have come to this. You brought this upon yourself, I hope you can deal with it. But who knows, maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe you're not even going to open this package. But if you do, I hop you remember what you did, and how it affected me. I won't be keeping in touch with you, if that is what you hoped. My heart tells me to forget, and that's what I'm doing. Goodbye."_

I never did reply to that letter. All of the hope that I ever had to make amends with him was drained out of me on that day. My birthday.

I clutched onto the scarf for dear life, wondering what my life would have been like if I never left.

**A/N: Hey guys! I am so sorry, I would have never guessed this update would take so long! I hope you guys enjoy, though. Review please and give me your suggestions! Thanks :)**


	6. Bowling and Vacations

"Do you want lunch?" I asked, trying to fill the empty space that lingered in the air. I glanced over at him because I could feel his stare on my face. Turning to face him, I couldn't help but giggle a little when I remembered the wads of tissue in his nostrils.

"You look ridiculous, you know?" I pointed to his nose, but he still didn't speak. What was his problem?

"Sorry, I was just… thinking."

"I swear, Derek, if you keep doing that, your brain will explode," I joked while grabbing cold cuts from the fridge. He laughed without humor and took a seat at the table.

"Please, please. Don't jump at the opportunity to help me out here,"

"Sounds good to me," He leaned back in the chair and began to pick the grubbiness from underneath his fingernails.

"Well, I guess I'll just go call Mom and tell her I'll meet her at the theater…" I said, while grabbing the phone off the hook. In an instant, he was up from his chair and his fingers were wrapped around my wrist. Leaning in close to me, he muttered under his breath,

"Don't you dare." He smirked lightheartedly and plucked the phone from my grip. But he didn't back off. Suddenly, the mood changed from light to intense in just a matter of seconds. Silence engulfed the air once more. I stared up at him vulnerably, knowing what was coming next. He leaned down and smoothly kissed my jaw, and slowly but carefully, he kissed his way to my mouth. His lips were like velvet, and they felt like they belonged on mine. The kiss deepened, but he didn't go too far. Unlike Sam had done when we kissed; Derek kept his tongue inside his mouth and didn't move it an inch. I was thoroughly satisfied. When he pulled away, I let out a chortle. The tissue was still in both of our noses. He caught on quickly and turned pink, before taking them out. I followed his action.

"What do you plan on doing this fine afternoon, Derek?" I asked, placing his lunch in front of him and a can of Pepsi as well. He shrugged, biting off a mouthful of his sandwich and washing it down with his drink.

"Whatever you want. I owe you, remember?" He winked, and shoved more of the sandwich into his mouth. Just another thing I had to get used to. Carefully, I ripped a piece of my lunch off and chewed it thoroughly, unlike my savage stepbrother.

Stepbrother.

The word, it was so contaminated and vile, it shook me at my foundation. Brother. Siblings. I paled and gulped down some soda.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, seeing the horrified expression I wore. I shook my head slowly and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Nothing, don't worry about it," I sputtered, squeezing the bridge of my nose in frustration. I knew this newfound relationship was too good to be true. Why had I totally forgotten the fact that we were related? Well, not technically, but…

"Are you sure? You look like you just saw a ghost or something," He asked, putting a hand on my arm. I twitched at his touch, not sure now on what to do.

"Okay, seriously. What is up, Casey? I thought you wanted this," He said sternly, removing his hand.

"Derek. We're siblings. I just…" I trailed off for a moment. What could I say? "I just didn't consider that before."

I noticed that he recoiled when I said the word sibling.

"It's our senior year. I mean, I know taking chances isn't really your thing, but do you really think anything will go wrong? What could happen? We're careful around Nora and dad, you know that. You're leaving at the end of summer anyways. I mean, if you don't want to take this chance, so be it. And this may not work out, either, but at least we'll have the memories, right?" His voice was soft, velvety, and almost enough to let him off the hook.

"What about moral ethics? Isn't this considered incest or something?" I spoke almost completely to myself in a worried tone. Incest was another word I definitely wanted to avoid.

"Casey. Please trust me, for once in your life. Everything will be alright."

I exhaled. He won.

"Fine. If we ever get caught, though, the blame is all on you." I ended, in a playful tone. His face eased a little, thankfully, into his normal blank expression. We chewed silently for a few seconds, feeling some tension in the air.

"I don't really feel like sitting in today," Derek thought aloud, before taking a swig of his Pepsi.

"Oh really? What do you feel like doing, then?" I pondered.

"I don't know, I just hate being cooped in the house like this on the weekend. We should… go bowling or something."

Derek? Wants to go bowling? That's different.

"Only if you want to, of course. I owe you." He added. I thought about this for a second. It would be nice to leave the house…

"Fine. But you're paying!" I playfully said as I rinsed my lunch dish.

We arrived at the alley shortly afterwards, and paid for our lane. That's when I remembered how bad of a bowler I was.

"I have to warn you, I'm kind of rusty at this game." I told him while lacing my shoes.

"Don't worry, I probably am too. Haven't played since sophomore year of high school." He laughed while typing in our names into the machine. He was up first.

He took the ball in both of his hands, and stood a foot or two away from the line. I noticed he was trying to calculate something in his head as he stayed in this position for a few seconds, his eyes focused on the pins. And then, almost effortlessly, he swung the ball backwards and rolled it in a professional manner. The pins didn't have a chance.

"Strike! Yes!" He exclaimed, jumping up and down as he trotted back to where I was sitting. "Haven't played since sophomore year of high school," my ass. He looked as if he played the game every weekend.

"Your turn," He told me. As I approached the lane, he caught my arm and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Good luck."

I smiled, but doubted it. I took a medium sized pink ball and slid my fingers into it cautiously. Trying to focus as hard as Derek did, I sent the ball flying down the lane with all of my strength. Unfortunately, it veered off to the right almost instantly. Gutter ball. I pouted.

"Don't worry, you have another try. Here, let me help you out," He said as he approached me.

"You have to keep your wrist straight, like this," He took my wrist and held it in the right position.

"And your legs are in the wrong position," He continued, as I felt his hand touch my thigh and push it back a little.

"There. Now try."

I did, and I knocked down two pins. Better than none.

Most of the game went by just like this. He got a strike, I got a gutter ball, he got a spare, I knocked down three pins, etc. Finally, it was the last frame. Derek got a spare. And then it was my turn.

I walked up to the lane and concentrated as hard as I could. Legs in the right position, wrist straight, I hurled the ball down the lane. It rolled fast, straight down the middle. The pins went flying, and only one was left in the middle.

"You can get a spare, Case. Just concentrate." I heard Derek call from behind me.

I picked up the ball once again and followed the steps that Derek had taught me. And I did it. I got a spare!

"Yes!" I screamed excitedly, jumping up and down. Derek ran towards me and picked me up, letting me wrap my legs around his waist.

"You did it!" He exclaimed. I was so overcome with joy that I hadn't noticed Sam walk in with a brunette at his side. Luckily, Derek had put me down on the floor before Sam saw the display, but he did see us embrace.

"Derek?" He called. Derek jumped away from my body as if he received an electrical shock.

"H-hey, Sam. How's it going?" He asked nervously. I just stood next to him, mortified.

"Oh, just here with Cassandra," Sam pointed to the girl next to him, "You here with the family?"

"Oh, yeah. They're in the bathroom." Derek said, all too quickly, before realizing how dumb that sounded.

"All of them?"

"Yeah." He replied, looking like he was about to faint, "But hey, we have to go, man. Told the rest of them that we'd meet them in the car. See you later."

Derek and I were out of there faster than a bullet. As soon as we got in the car, we exhaled the breath we had been holding in that whole time.

"Wow. That was close." I said. We drove home in silence, as I thought about how bad that situation could have been. And that's when I realized how hard it would be for Derek and I. Always on the look out for people we knew, or our family. But I was willing to take that risk.

The next few months passed by in a blur. It was filled with secret meetings when the family had all gone to bed, rushed kisses, and sneaking around more than I ever had behind my parents backs. It was tough, but we stuck through it, and it almost seemed like the risk and the adrenaline rush brought us that much closer.

By now, it was summer. A month into summer, actually. And we were taking our annual trip to our cabin in Vermont. It wasn't my most favorite place in the world, but it was so traditional in our family that I didn't mind going every summer. The memories of that place will never leave me. I remember falling off our homemade swing in the backyard and breaking my arm, I remember when we would go fishing almost every day, and my dad always freaked my mom out with the fresh worms as bait, and I remember sitting on the porch swing, my head on my mom's lap, watching the sun set over the lake.

Now, since our family has doubled in size, it was a little cramped in that house but it was still relaxing. And now that Derek and I were 'together', I figured it would be a fun trip.

We arrived in the late afternoon, around five o'clock or so. We got situated in our rooms (Lizzie with me, Edwin with Derek, and my parents with Marti) before our parents announced they were going to the nearby convenient store for some food and cooking ingredients. The rest of us kids played card games on the kitchen table to pass the time.

The cabin hadn't changed a bit. Same porch swing, same creaky, wooden floorboards, and same sawdust smell. The staircase was still as narrow as it had always been, and the kitchen was so old fashioned that it seemed we were back in the colonial age. It wasn't a bad cabin, but as I got older, the place seemed to get smaller. I tried not to think about it too much.

My mom and George arrived home shortly after six o'clock, and they started on a simple dinner of macaroni and cheese. We sat around the small kitchen table, laughing and talking like a real family. It felt nice. The only thing that was bothering me, however, was the fact that I hadn't talked to Derek yet that day. And I really wanted to.

"Meet me near the lake after everyone is asleep," I whispered to him discreetly as we washed dishes. He grunted in response. We finished up the dishes and joined our family by the fireplace.

I lay awake in bed, excited to meet up with Derek for the first time that day.

"Lizzie?" I muttered quietly. No response. I anxiously got out of bed and snuck very carefully down the old stairs and out the door. Derek was already there, skipping stones on the water. I silently came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach.

"Hey," He whispered, and turned me around so he could give me a kiss. His tongue slipped in with ease; this was not new to us anymore. His lips were sweet and his tongue warm, and it made me feel at ease. Breaking apart, we sat down near the edge of the lake.

"It's so nice out," I commented. The air was cool, the water was calm, and the sound of crickets was soothing. Derek nodded in agreement.

"There's something about this place I really like," Derek mumbled as he looked out onto the lake. I scooted closer to him so I could hear him better, "It's so different from home but it's almost relaxing."

"You're so cute when you're serious," I laughed and leaned in to kiss his forehead, and then trailed down to his lips. It started off very soft, but got to be more and more intense by the minute. Soon, I was lying on my back with him on top of me. My hands twisted in his hair longingly, and his were on my waist. His warm fingers touched the skin that had exposed itself between my shirt and pajama pants. I shuddered.

Carefully, he lifted my shirt a little, inch by inch. I didn't protest. Soon, he brought the shirt over my head and threw it to the side. I followed his lead, and uncovered his hard abs. I trailed my fingers down his bare stomach, feeling the crevices of his skin. His rough hands then did something they never did before, they pulled at my pants. I froze for a second.

"You okay?" He muttered into my hair. I thought for a second, and then nodded. Maybe I was ready to go on. And so he pulled them down until they were at my ankles, at which point I kicked them off myself. We continued kissing until I got the courage to return the favor. Carefully, I slid his plaid pants down with my shaky hands. I prayed that would calm down soon.

After his pants were off, we broke the kiss for a second to let our eyes glide down each other's bodies. It was then that I could see, and feel, his erection that hid in his boxers. I gulped. He reached behind me and unclasped my bra in one swift motion.

"Are you okay with this?" He asked, before going any further. I looked into his soft eyes. I knew I could trust him.

"Yes," I replied, this time knowing that I was ready to do this. He placed his lips on mine harshly and took the bra off from under me. When his hands touched, I almost felt a jolt between us. After what seemed like forever, he reached my underwear. Once again, he looked at me for permission. I nodded and reached for his boxers at the same time. And in just a few seconds, we were both stark naked.

We scoured each other once more, taking in every square inch that we could. And slowly but surely, he positioned himself over me. Everything that happened afterwards went by so quickly; I barely had time to react.

It felt like just moments later, we were a panting, sweaty mess, intricately intertwined on the ground. And that was that. My virginity was his now.

Just ten minutes later, we were giving each other our goodnight kiss and heading back to our separate rooms. I slept soundly that night.

The rest of the vacation went by without much incident. We fished, we told ghost stories, we laughed, and I felt genuinely sad when we had to leave.

As for Derek and I, we didn't have sex again until after we got back home. It felt a lot better the next few times after that because I knew what I was doing. I also felt a lot better mentally because it made Derek and I that much more inseparable.

--

"Casey?" I heard a voice call my name as I sat in the kitchen near the cleaning cabinet. It was Mark. Swiftly, I shoved the scarf in the cabinet and shut the door. I wiped the tears from my face just as he walked into the kitchen.

"What are you doing in here?" He asked, looking around.

"I didn't feel too good, I was looking for some Advil." I lied, not daring to look into his eyes.

"We ran out a week ago, honey. Come back to bed, sleeping will do the trick," He replied in a soothing voice. There was not much else I could do but nod and follow him back to our bedroom.

I had always felt so horrible looking into Mark's face every day and seeing Derek's. The truth was, Mark was such a nice guy, but I never loved him. He popped the question on me one day and I was extremely startled. But I couldn't deal with disappointing another person who was very close to me, so I accepted. That was almost a year ago, and I still keep postponing the wedding date.

We crawled into bed together and he took me in his arms and smoothed out my hair. The longer I sat there, thinking of Derek and his harsh words in the hospital, the more I drifted back to that night by the lake, when he had cradled me in his arms and stroked my hair just like Mark was doing now.

**A/N: Wow, I am SO sorry I haven't updated in so long! I got so busy with other things, I just never had the time. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, let me know if you liked it!**


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